It's unbelievable. Absofuckinglutely unbelievable.

Thank you God for the miracle. I never expected it. Never in a million years. I was literally wishing upon a star.

And my miracle came. Right at new years. I couldnt ask for anything else. Thank you thank you.

I had a great 2 weeks plus. And never felt so free.

I'm glad, relieved and excited that the trip went so well. I could not have wished for it to be any other way.

So much fun, so much talk, so much laughter and smiles, so much closeness.

I thank you for every day that you gave me.

And now it's time to realign and focus On what's important, what's best, and what's right.

I think I just ran out of my miracle quota for 2012. Used them all up in January. Lol

And I realize how I can look back and comb through my posts of how I dealt with issues 2 years ago. 3 years ago. Everything seems so minute today. And one day this will be as well. Writing does help.

God grants us wishes and miracles only if we ask it specifically and we know what we want.

How can I ask God for something
If I don't even know what I want?

Up until this day, despite the soul searching, thought provoking
Discussions, I still can't answer for certain what exactly I want that God can deliver. I know what I feel and I'm quite clear on that. But what do I do and what course of action do I take based on that I really have no idea.

It's true. The magic of Christmas is in the days leading to Christmas. All that Excitement, joy and shopping Is about the build up in days leading to 25th of
December.

I had my moment of excitement and happiness right before Christmas. Maybe Santa (or God?) really heard me and tried to make the last of 2011 at least a bit more bearable for me.

But the magic lasts in the build up. Once Christmas morning is here u open yr presents, share laughters then the rest of the day is gone.

Mine lasted till Christmas morning. :) nevertheless I shan't
Complain. I'm grateful for wat was
Given. It wasn't a miracle. It was a gift. A present.

But because of that I can and prolly have become greedy. Give a man an inch and he wants a mile.

If any miracles were to happen for 2011 it will hv To be in the next few Days.

Please grant me a miracle?

I think after some time, we all just learn to move on.

Moving on is one of life's most beautiful gifts. It's like the world is at your feet. The options are limitless.

Screw closing one door and opening another window. We are talking about a thousand doors and windows for us to choose from. You can open and close as many as u like till you find something you like that suits u.

Move on. One of life's gifts to us. Only for those who can see it and have the strength to do so.

Christmas eve.

For once I wish I was in winter cold weather with snowflakes falling all around me (ok,aybe just snow). And everything outside would be so quiet because it's all closed. And u just sit by the window watching snow fall. Snow angels perhaps? N drink hot chocolate with marshmallows after that? Sigh. Such is the life of Xmas abroad.

Or if you're always traveling during Xmas every year like me, meals for the day would always be fast food or room service.

Maybe I should have just taken half the day off. It's not like I got much accomplished. It's 230pm. And honestly,I've done things I wouldn't normally do.

Like have 2 fights with a massage in between at Thai odyssey.

It's quite an enigma actually.

Dec 31st is coming up. Deadline. Maybe he's right. He can't tale it anymore. And neither can I. In the first place, why am I here?

No freakin' idea.

It's been exactly a year since I lost the job I think. On my sisters bday. 1 year ago, that day, was happy. My sister was having her frens over for a bday celebration cum farewell as she leaves for Uk again. N I was happy bcz I was going clubbing for what was supposed to be my last clubbing session in Malaysia for awhile. All dressed n ready to go, Jason came to pick me up. Not before he stopped by to sing the bday song n hv a piece of cake at my place. Right after the blowing candles ceremony was over, I was all ready to leave n checked my phone out of habit. There was email.

From Mike. Burton.

They are not hiring me back. They hv to cancel my job due to unforeseen circumstances. My limbs went cold. I felt nothing but stinging tears on my eyes. I waited 10 fucking months. For this????

I cldnt say anything. I cld only hold back my tears n show daddy my phone. Nobody knew why. No one knew until the night I was supposed to leave for UK the next day which didn't even happen.

I just clubbed like usual. I took a coupla puffs of cigarettes. From steven. Felt so good. Smoking felt so fucking good! I jst cldnt do it. I cldnt believe wat I read.

Well, 1 year later, I have a new job. I have a new boyfriend. Ppl adapt. But they never forget.

To those who made it easy for me while I was out there...thank you.

Todays the first time in 5 yrs that I can walk in KLIA not being in a sad n sombre mood. I feel so liberated and free. (I duno wats with me n the word liberated, but yeah, liberated)

I feel like for once,after a bajillion yrs I can actually feel normal walking into an airport without the fear of not knowing when I'm returning. It feels good to know I am coming back to this place. Very soon.

Writing from Singapore. Tmr will be a longgggggg day. Sigh. Last match or EPL. Can Chelsea screw up pls? N let MU be at their best? Thank u.

This is also the first time I'm staying in a hotel room all alone by myself. I'm actually a lil scared n freaked out. But it's good training for what I'm about to choose, I guess. Though I'm seriously re-considering my decision.

Nights.

Love is one of its own.

My Tolerance for ppl who are inconsistent is non existent. Lack of professionalism, taking things personally n emotionally....makes me loses my respect for u as authoritative figure. You're still good. Just not professionalism and work ethic sense.

Love is but a kind. Of helium filled balloons with messages and jars filled with love.

135am means I need to go to bed.

It's been a crazy few weeks. Zoukout was a great experience but not something I would do again.

I lacked focus when I was there. I went there with the wrong mindset and that is the MOST important thing to bring along with me. Unfortunately, I was and have been clouded by recent events and so were my thoughts.

It was not a case of confidence or nervousness.

Simply said, I went there without an objective. I was unsure right from the start.

Rumors are going around saying there'll be another one in January in Malaysia. If it does happen, should I go?
Is it to prove to myself and others that I can do it with the right frame of mind? That there wasn't anything lacking in me or my personality? Or am I there really because I want another shot at flying with them? I don't know.

When the time comes I trust that I shld know what to do.

I am disappointed in myself for not preparing myself mentally and for being distracted easily.

I am disappointed because i have done it once successfully and I believe I can do it again yet I failed this time around; unfortunately due to circumstances that are very emotional-driven. And because I did not do some soul searching and actual sit-down mental preparation.

At that moment, it seemed perfectly fine to me because it was no great loss. In fact I only saw the bright sides and immediately smiled when they didn't call my name. I knew what I could look forward to.

But after tonight, I have doubts, not because of the job but because of my thoughts. Itay not be all flower beds and roses and soft sheets.

I came across an old bump today. That could still trip me and make me stumble a lil after so long. What does that say? That the last few weeks and the interview didn't matter at all. My mind was clouded with thoughts and fantasies and dreams that are difficult to realize. But when in that mode, everything seemed possible and beautiful.

I was told today that someones fren has been chosen to be stationed in holland for 1 yr due to work. And he's planning to propose to his girlfriend of 5 yrs in order for her to come along with him under spousal visa. Granted that he's 27 and I'm not, but I still crave for a life like this.

We talked about it n it what are the chances? Close to none in my opinion. That's alot of possibilities and probabilities there to be calculated before one can reach an end result like that.

I believe that my life can't be as easy and happy as that. I used to think otherwise until this year. When I can see that God will throw at u wat u can take at the age he thinks u can handle it. Now I really believe that life is never that easy. It was just coincidence and sheer luck that I've been blessed to be borned Into a family as such.

I'm uncertain already. In just one night.

Elatedness. So much has been going on and happening. I can't keep track anymore. All I know is that I'm truly happy and haven't felt so in a reallllyyyyy long time.

And it's the kind of happiness where I'm not stickily attached and don't feel the need to be. I'm just happy when spending time. And when not, I'm contented with my life too :)

Life is beautiful. Because if u can wait thru the stormy weather, there'll be a rainbow waiting for u on the other side.

And if u pass thru the rainbow with flying colors, there'll be.......







The POT OF GOLD! :p